Saturday, March 3, 2012

On the blog, off the blog

It's been more than a year since I started blogging regularly. The 5 posts I wrote in 2010 don't really count as active blogging :-) And  it's  been only a few months since I started coming out to friends and   relatives about keeping a blog.
To anyone who asks I still refer to myself as a newbie. But after one year, a significant increase in   exposure and a blog format pretty much set I believe my grace period is over. That's okay. No drama.
As time went by I felt more and more comfortable letting people in. We've moved from me posting about my stuff and my DIY to sharing some vulnerable moments as well as some happy ones. And as honest and open as I try to write about myself there is still a large portion of my life that I keep off the blog. Some things are private, others, I feel are irrelevant and still some are difficult to translate into written word and equally if not more difficult to translate to English.

01. 03. 2012 1
A bouquet for my mum for her birthday

The most interesting phenomenon has been telling my friends about my blog. The people who  see what I include or choose not to include in  my posts. Though no one  ever asks I get a lot of quizzical looks when  something didn't make the cut. I'm quite sure it comes off as a sort of split personality  effect.
Re-reading my posts as I often do I sometimes get a strange out of body experience because I am reliving the same event  twice: As it actually happened and as I wrote about it. There is a  definite distinction and try as I may there will always be one.
That whole lost in translation thing comes to mind...

This  post is meant as one part my observations on the subject and one part explanation/apology why I've been absent from the blogosphere for the past couple of weeks. I miss it more than I can ever begin to explain, I miss visiting the regular blogs I follow and commenting, participating  in the debate. I feel so terribly disconnected and yes I just realized yesterday was the first Friday of the month and I haven't written a film review  post. Which makes it the second in a row.

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Detail of an exhibit piece from MSUM, Modern musem Metelkova, Ljubljana

I've also been involved in a couple of projects I  haven't really discussed on the blog yet: one of them being a a two months course to become a guide for visually impaired in the field of culture (galleries and museums). I've met so many wonderful new people, we discussed the problems the blind face on a daily basis, stuff we tend to overlook (pun intended!) or not really conceptualize.
I've also seen so many of Ljubljana's galleries and museums , I'm ashamed to admit I didn't even know some of them exist. All in all a timely reminder to reacquaint myself with culture. I've begun to realize this kind of involvement and real human interaction was missing from my life. But it can be pretty scary, looking back on the past 5 months and see the swift changes.
For one, I'm beginning to look my age and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad one...


  1. That was a wonderful post. Your words are inspiring. I've missed your posts since you're one of the ones I read regularly. Life just gets in the way of blogging sometimes, but it seems like you've learned a lot from your experience! xoxo, Amy

    1. Amy, thank you :-)
      Every time I get a feedback like this it makes it all worth the long hours of assembling posts, editing photos and all the thought and planning that goes into the blog.

  2. I have missed you too! But then you told about getting a job, and naturally that has lessened your blogging time.
    So, you reread your older posts, maybe I should too. Only I think, that mine are, as they are, written on a sudden inspiration, emotion. I´ve done so much of that looking- in - the - past, that I now feel more like going forward.
    You are so skilled in writing English, and getting your thoughts through. However, a text written in another language than that of own´s own, does lack something, the small special nuances, the spices.
    I feel, that you have grown during the year of blogging - in a good way. You are more calm than ever.
    Hoping to read your blog in the future too - a lot!

    1. Blogging has definitely contributed to the growth you mentioned, it's a two way street! Unlike a personal diary where thoughts get preserved like a coat in summer storage, blogging is an active process and the comments I get have helped me in ways I'm only now beginning to conceptualize.
      You wrote I seem much more calm, could you elaborate further? The reason I ask is because I feel more grown up, determined maybe less anxious than before, but the word calm wasn't one I was considering until you mentioned it. Now it's all I can think about!
      Happy Sunday Mette :-D

  3. I´ll try. I used the word calm, because you look so calm, you seem and look more mature, you write about different things in a different way. And I sense, that you are less anxious.
    Although I have never met you irl, all the small things I mentioned above, add up to = you seem more calm.

    1. thanks for this Mette, the word calm has stayed with me all day and will probably linger on for the rest of the week. Calm at this point feels like a triumph and something I've worked hard to achieve. Reading your comment felt like a gruesome, hot dirty and dusty 15 hour long ride home from a vacation abroad ending abruptly after finally seeing the familiar sign of hometown and suddenly it hits you: we're here, we're really here.

  4. I am glad you are blogging. I too find it difficult to blog because there are so many things that I have to do but I miss very much my friends on the blog and though I do not share much detail I do feel closeness to you. I am so proud of your work with the blind. My music teacher, when I was little, was blind and I tutored several blind children and never found them lacking, so strong, so lovely. I don't know what looking your age might mean but you look great...calm, beautiful, purposeful, and happy. I don't think I feel that way these days but there are times that I do. Great to see you. xx

    1. MrsLj, i don't even have your real name! thanks for all your comments and encouragement. The job I took is at a firm that employs a lot of people with disabilities (a big reason why I took the job) and the training with the blind is just another great way for me to meet people with disabilities in a semi-formal environment and get to know more about how they experience the world and he people around them. The one strikingly simple truth I've learned from them: "If in doubt, just ask and we'll tell you what we need!" Amazing.
      I also got a sense from your comment that you're feeling a bit down :-( Since this is a public forum where anyone can read, I wont go into too much detail, but suffice to say, even in my life things are not all peachy. I too suffer from insecurities and doubt, drop me a note if you wish sometime and we can chat.

  5. I have enjoyed taking this journey with you this year.
    Learning something of your country, your life style,
    and in the process have learnt that the written words
    say more about a person (especially when written honestly)
    inner feelings which you have shared with us.

    One of the things I have been able to share with you
    is my 'black dog' feelings,I would not think of
    mentioning that especially on a open site!!

    You have alot to offer and gain from working with
    children/adults with special needs.

    I shall look forward to reading your posts when
    you have the time. Ida

    1. Ida, I already read your comment a few hours ago but was unable to respond at the time. Your words touched me on a profound level, I just wanted to say, as I have countless times before and at the risk of repeating myself, I'll say it again: I feel so immensely honoured and privileged to have met all of you lovely ladies who visit my blog and give thoughtful and kind and intelligent feedback.
      Spring is coming and with it a change in the air, longer days, warm sunshine. Dreary winter and gloomy mood is a thing of the past :-)

  6. How wonderful to get to know you better - its a hard thing to share yourself with the world when you don't know who is reading :)

    1. that's a great way of putting it :-D
      I do have a tendency to overshare certain aspects of my life, I strive for an honest and balanced portrait of my character and my life. On the other hand I'm extremely private in certain other aspects of my life.

  7. Ana, I've been missing blogging and reading blogs too! I think of you and other blogger friends all of the time. And yet I've really been enjoying offline time doing other things, including spending time with offline friends.

    We had a great trip by the way. I posted photos here in case you'd like to take a peek.

    1. Susan, I've missed your comments too!
      Saw the pictures, I love love your artistic input, especially the photos from Oxford :-D
      And that tiny elevator in Paris...brrr, how did you manage to go in there and not pass out I'll never know!

    2. I know, that elevator. We know some US people who couldn't fit inside!