Last Thursday I wrote about the concept of putting thoughts on paper as part of my blogging process.
And I continually write about how happy notebooks make me. Though I've never kept a journal, I do have something that is as close to a journal as possible: my literary journal.
By far the most private thing I've ever shown on my blog. This inconspicuous notebook bound in fake leather holds the key to my personality, my thoughts and inspiration. It's a collage of poetry, proverbs, even jokes along with newspaper clippings and photos.
Every word, every transcription has been done by hand. Looking back on some of the things I've written is like hopping in a time machine. I remember when and why most of these entries were written.
And though I have occasionally shown certain excerpts to several people, I've never let anyone read it.
I've found mine several months ago, and I was infuriated by the things I was writing about. nonsense about some boys. I always thought I was smarter back then.
ReplyDeleteand interestingly enough, I also had one notebook with poems, and both poems that you shown were in it.
kudos for being so brave! :)
p.s.: inside that diary I had a page, filled with little stickers from the fruit. I was surprised, I never collected them. next day it hit me: YOU were collecting it, back in high school, and I kept collecting them for you :)
lp,e
e: OMG, the fruit stickers! What a trip down memory lane :-D
ReplyDeleteNot surpriesed you have some of the same poems in your diary. I think we were both influenced by the same events/people from that era.
Wow - thank you for sharing. This is very very brave done!!!
ReplyDeleteI kept a diary when I was a young girl. In it, I wrote my " secret " things. It felt good.
ReplyDeleteBut then something happened. Years, many years later.
My mother confessed, that she had read my diary ( diaries ). She said that she had the right to do so, because I seldom shared my thoughts with her.
Since then, I really have not felt like keeping a diary of any kind. My " secrets " are no secrets any more.
I am satisfied with blogging. Since everyone already knows ( that´s how I feel ), I have no difficulties in hushing about anything.
Flowermouse: Thanks! I only shared the poems I'm comfortable with sharing on-line. Still, it's a big step for me.
ReplyDeleteMette: That's horrible! I can well imagine how upsetting a thing like this is. Even years later. I think keeping a journal and blogging are different though, because with blogging you share your life with others and retain control over what you divulge and what you keep for yourself. I find blogging empowering :-)
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ReplyDeleteWhoops not sure what happened pressed the wrong button and it appeared on your blog!! think maybe I should stick with my daily diary have kept one for years.
ReplyDeleteI remember receiving a 5yr one with its own lock & key when I was 14 still have it a bit tatty now..loved them as I had no siblings it was my 'friend' in a world of adults.
What fine writing you have,mine is dreadful.Ida
I had an experience similar to Mette's, my mother read my diary and it changed my life forever. Since then I don't write anything anywhere I wouldn't publish or say in a public arena.
ReplyDeleteAs for handwriting, after the injury to my hands I never fully regained the fine motor skills necessary for legible handwriting, but that's ok, typing works just fine.
ida: I'm an only child too. And must confess, I wouldn't have it other way. I had the most fun as a child, running around on my own, playing in the woods or just sewing clothes for my dolls.
ReplyDeleteThe handwriting you see is my very best one. It takes a lot of time and effort.
Susan: I'm so sorry to hear it. I can't imagine having a mom ever betraying my trust like this. My grandma did the same to my mom and that's probably why my mom really tried to raise me differently.
I read on your blog about your injury and the impact it had on your career and life in general. I can't imagine how I'd react if something similar happened to me. I admire your determination and positive outlook on things.
Ana, may I just comment to Susan shortly?
ReplyDeleteSusan, how strange. My mother showed no shame having read my diaries, she took it as her privilege.
I think, that I can completely relate to your feelings. My writings stopped then and there, dot.
Thanks for sharing! I have journaled for years... really kind of a prayer journal for me. It helps me think things through. So nice of everyone to share their comments with you.
ReplyDeleteMette: I'm always happy to get a debate going :-)
ReplyDeleteMarian: Thanks so much! The more time I spend blogging the more I am convinced that substance and depth are the only truly relevant things. So I wanted to share something personal.
It's so nice to look back on old diaries don't you think, sometimes it is good to see how much you've grown and changed as a person, and other times to see how much you are still yourself
ReplyDeletedespite the changes going on around you!
bead addict: wonderfully put and absolutely true!
ReplyDeleteAna, thank you, I had to work on the positive attitude. My whole identity was wrapped up in my career and it was hard to accept the identity loss. But now I'm happily retired!
ReplyDeleteThank you Mette. My Mom also took it as her privilege.
Susan: Amen to that! Nothing changes overnight, especially if you're not willing to commit to it.
ReplyDeleteStill horrified to read about the invasion of privacy.